I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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