she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
