Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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