just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
