so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
