So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
