had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
