it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
