I think i peed on brittanys purse
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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