I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
