anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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