You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can vaginas get frostbite?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
