i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
