he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bring me that man meat
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