Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
