we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
