Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize