Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the condom got lost in my hair
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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