this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is the high leading the old right now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
