i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
