if you like me you must not know who I am
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this just has baby written all over it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
