Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
