Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
