Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
