In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
