Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
