I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
