i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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