I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
