Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
worst night to have a conscience
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
