I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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