Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
