Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
