this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
