Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
