My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
