The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
