So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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