Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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