I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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