I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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