Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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