i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
