I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
