wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
