She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
