This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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