What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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