Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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