ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
