Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
