How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
