I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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